Self Confidence

Most people know what insecurity and low self esteem feel like, but how are they different to self confidence, self belief or self love?

This is what the Penguin Psychology Dictionary has to say about insecurity, low self esteem and other similar things...

Self Image: One's impression of yourself, often un-conscious

Self Esteem: The degree to which one values oneself

Self Confidence: Assuredness and self reliance

Self Belief: Faith in one's intrinsic competence

Self Love: Any extreme form of love of oneself (!)

So, insecurity is about uncertainty! But surely you can't escape that? Tolerating uncertainty, or insecurity is a wonderful skill to have. However, focusing on insecurity makes you feel more insecure! (Confusing isn't it?)

Does all this complication help 'low self esteem'?

There is so much 'out there' about this sort of thing, it can damage your self esteem just reading about it! Here are a few questions you can think about to help clear things up a bit...

	Do people with high self esteem value themselves all the time?
	Do 'secure' people never feel uncertain?
	Does having great self confidence mean you never rely on others?
	If you have self belief, can you never doubt yourself?
	Is 'self love' good or bad?

I think, and it's just my opinion, that the self-help movement has left us expecting unrealistic things. Of course everyone has a feeling of insecurity at times. Everyone doubts their abilities on occasion. And the key to beating low self esteem is not to go around frantically thinking great things about yourself all the time.

If you expect to feel great about yourself all the time, then you will be disappointed. If you allow for the fact that sometimes you'll feel low and just let it pass, it won't last as long and you won't feel as bad.

Low Self Esteem:
The biggest mistake people make!

Anything which increases the focus on the self (poor self-help books for example), makes it less likely that we will be successful in developing self confidence or a good self image. In a social situation, for example, self consciousness is the opposite of what we need.

What we need is a way out of the trap, a way of building self confidence that doesn't involve increasing our self consciousness. If you think now about the times you have really enjoyed yourself, felt particularly calm in a situation, or performed really well, I think you will find that those are times when you weren't really aware of yourself at all!